The amazing Cledus T. Judd reveals what's ahead for country music
As the new year begins, fans can't help but wonder what the future holds for country music. To find out, Country Weekly sought the advice of an all-knowing, all-seeing swami. But we couldn't get an appointment - so we asked Cledus T. Judd. Taking a break from promoting his new album, Just Another Day in Parodies, the comedian temporarily traded his funnybone for a crystal ball and answered some burning questions.
How will technology change country music?
We'll do cyber tours - instead of slaving away on the road, we'll just broadcast on the Internet from our houses. We'll set up a camera in the living room, and people will logon to the Web to watch the show. But one day in the future, we'll go to the hospital and get computer chips implanted in our heads. Then if you want to hear the Dixie Chicks, you'd just pull your little finger. Your ring finger might be Travis Tritt. The middle finger, that would be Garth.
Will Garth return from retirement?
Almost certainly, and he's going to re-invent himself a third time. He'll come back as Curtis T. Judd and try to take over the parody world. But he'll be unsuccessful.
Where do you see country going?
Country music will go through a total evolution. There's going to be a new country music that I'm creating right now: Hick-Hop.
Country couples are the rage these days - Tim & Faith, Vince & Amy. Who's next?
Well, I see the list growing to include Cledus and Monica. Monica Lewinsky, that is. I still have a monster crush on her.
Even though you're not related to them, what do you see for The Judds, the only country act that shares your name?
The announcement will soon be made that I really am related to the Judds and will sue for all back royalties. That Harley that Wynonna sold at her yard sale was our great-granddaddy's - and I want it back.
How about George Strait?
He'll be opening for Billy Gilman in the near future, during Billy's How I Made $17 Million Before I Was 13 Years Old Tour - also known as the Happy Meal Tour. He's going to travel in a school bus.
What will happen to Billy?
Oh, he'll overtake Garth's total record sales - in the next four weeks.
What does the future hold for country's most famous vegetarian, Shania Twain?
Shania will start her own soy farm in the Swiss Alps and raise tofu for a living. She'll eat her first hamburger 15 years from now.
Will awards shows be different?
In the next 10 years somebody will finally have enough sense to put a Comedian of the Year award in their show. Hint, hint.
How about the next country scandal?
I'm afraid the ball's a little cloudy on that. But I wish one would happen pretty quick - it would extend my career another eight weeks.
-- Wendy Newcomer